Irrational

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i’ve lost my mind. i must have.  guess what i was just watching?  because you know, i must be fucking nuts. i was watching a baby story.  the woman had a miscarrage late in the first trimester, so she had some points with me.  she had one of those birth plans, you know the plan i sort of had myself eons ago when babies did not die (or so i thought).  well she was having a problem with getting the baby’s head to pass and the doctors suggested the use of forceps and an episiotomy (sp).  she was having an issue because it was not part of her plan.  the doctors wanted to rush the process because the baby had already passed meconium (sp), yet she was concerned about her ‘plan’.  the fucking bitch, i just wanted to take the forceps and stab her in the heart.  you fucking bitch, the real plan is to take home a baby.  i hate her. i hate them all.  fuck plans. 

then the next episode, hahahah.  the dilema this time?  ok, i’ll tell you.  this is their third child and the mom does not know the sex (becasuse she fucking choose not to know) and her husband is teasing her because he knows the sex.  that’s it that’s the their dilema.  i changed the channel.

i fucking hate them too. 

i would have done anything.  the doctors could have said i would have needed a c-section with scars from here to west bubblefuck.  no problem.  they could have said i would have had to survive on a diet of dirt and grass, i would have asked for the shovel.  they could have said i would have to give birth upside down and you best to beleive i would have found the way.  stupid novices and their ‘plans’.

i am having a total jealous bitchfit.

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About Jessica Emilia

Mother, wife, grief survivor, dancer, yogi, feminine, baker, cook, lover, fighter, perfectly imperfect, optimistic, pessimistic, reader, writer, funny, sarcastic, compassionate, emphatic, sympatheric, HR Pro, anxious, confident, supernatural, hocus-pocus, friend, daughter and momma again...

6 responses »

  1. So the title- are you irrational or are “they” ? Just kidding 😛

    Thanks, that was the first laugh I’ve had all day. I needed that.

    Can I come over and watch TV with you?

  2. I am so sorry you are having such a crappy day. This grief is too overwhelming sometimes (all the time). I hope it gets a little better. Maybe it’s the superPMS symptoms that we get that aren’t really PMS but early pregnancy? Maybe? I don’t know, now I am rambling, but I totally get why you would want to throw the TV against the wall. Stupid people.

  3. You call it irrational, I call it deeply hurting. I hate them, too. The innocents. Hate that they can whine about plans and gender and baby strollers and what-have-you. I hate that we never get to live in that bubble again. Never get to see pregnancy or birth or anything in between as innocently as we could in the past. It totally, freakin’ sucks and I’m really very sorry.

    I used to watch Bringing Home Baby, after my first miscarriage, even after I lost Callum, and again after the subsequent early miscarriage. I can’t bear to turn it on after my most recent third m/c. There’s been too much loss for me. I’m green with envy and watching it just makes me feel less of myself.

  4. We don’t have cable, but while I was staying at a hotel for a conference earlier this summer, it was “Baby Week” on Discovery Health. I watched baby shows the entire time I was in the room; it was torture but I couldn’t change the channel.

  5. You are due for a whirlwind of emotions. I too sometimes find myself switching to that show…although I only do so when DH and others aren’t around. It’s like I want to be swallowed up in the whole thing. I mean, truthfully, it NEVER makes me feel any better to watch those shows. They are just so very naive! I agree with your thoughts on doing “whatever” necessary. Truly, hand me a shovel too. I would have done so too. Stupid people that just don’t know drive me crazy. I’m sorry.

  6. I said the same thing to my sister when I was pregnant when she said “Oh I hope you can deliver vaginally” My response “I don’t care if I need a c-section, or to be spit 3 ways if that means a healthy baby in the end”

    Some people just dont get it!

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