I Should be Caged & Shot with a Tranquilizer Gun

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for nearly two weeks all i have been doing is being bitchy and crying.  my husband can’t do anything right.  in example, yesterday we decided to take a bus down to atlan.tic city and it was all wonderful.  shortly before leaving my husband wanted to hit the bar.  no problem.  the entrance to the bar was blocked by a large group of people toasting and having some drinks.  for a moment i was happy that they were having this moment.  when i tried to make my way through however they were very very slow to move and had left a very large suitcase in the way.  so large that my option was to either climb over it or slide across the bar on my belly.  i mumbled something about the bag not being into a good spot and this punk looking guy said something like, “alright, alright lady it’s being moved for ya.”  it should have ended there, when this f-ing cunt that was a part of the group screamed at me and asked me what was my fucking problem.  i lost it. i gave her such a tounge bashing that when the group in it’s entirety was screaming and cursing at me, my voice could still be heard.  i even threw in a few choice S.panish curses.  i was completely enraged; my husband tried to escort me out of there, and then he got it.  i shouted at him to let me go and i told him that i was tired of him always telling me to be quiet and polite.  i told him that the ‘little shit’, i.e. the ‘cunt’ was not going to talk to me as if i was a doormat.  (i still harbor some ill feelings toward my husband, because he would always expect me to understand when his parents would criticize my weight).  i asked when the fuck is he going to defend me or take my side?  well we did not talk to one another for the next hour.

we boarded our bus back home in silence and continued to give one another the silent treatment.  then this couple on the bus started arguing.  the bus driver pulled over and talked to them separately; warning that if there was another outburst the cops would be called-that delayed us 20 minutes.  wouldn’t you know it?, another outburst.  cops were called and witnesses questioned.  we were delayed nearly an hour this time.  my husband piped up along with others that the guy was innocent because he was trying to get away from the woman.  no one gets arrested and then we were on our way home again.  my husband rubbed my back and we were on good terms again.

today. we discuss a trip to vegas over the phone (he’s visiting his parents).  he asks me to consider a short 3 day stay.  i snapped, (like the total bitch that i’ve become) that i don’t like to take short trips.  he got off the abruptly.  i cried.  my eyes are still red.  rinse…repeat.

bigsexxxy and mr. diplomat called to invite me over for dinner.  it was all i could do to wiggle out of that invitation.  i confided in bigsexxxy and told her about my radical moodswings.  well, she says, you are either pregnant or going through some crazy hormonal fluctuations.  don’t i know it.

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About Jessica Emilia

Mother, wife, grief survivor, dancer, yogi, feminine, baker, cook, lover, fighter, perfectly imperfect, optimistic, pessimistic, reader, writer, funny, sarcastic, compassionate, emphatic, sympatheric, HR Pro, anxious, confident, supernatural, hocus-pocus, friend, daughter and momma again...

6 responses »

  1. hmmm, tranquilizer gun…that’s one I hadn’t thought of yet. I get those outbursts too. I try my darndest to keep them in my head, but eventually I’m going to wail on some poor little eleven-teen year old that gets in my way. I just know it. Either that or my husband might get the biggest butt-chewing of his life. Not that any of them do anything wrong, per say…but, there are so many things that bother me these days that I just don’t feel sane. Let alone like a “nice, polite” person!

  2. Given our circumstances we shouldn’t always be expected to be nice and polite women. We deal with a lot of shit on a daily basis, that men wil never understand.

    I would have just moved the suit case and walked on by, but if she said something, I would have snapped back at her. Fuck ’em.

  3. I’ve been reading your blog for awhile. I have no advice other than to say…do not feel bad for being a “raving bitch”. Unfortunately, you have earned that right to be angry as hell. Remember, anger is a huge part of the grieving process….

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