Tug of War


I never understood a working mother’s guilt.  I just figured that it happened to  someone that maybe didn’t have it all together…something vague.  But now as I drop her off day in and day out at daycare I understand.  When I’m told by others about her day I understand.  When I’m told that she loves the sprinklers and “is really walking”, I understand.

Today, as I was signing her out I heard her cry.  I rushed over to her ‘classroom’ and asked what happened.  I was told that she fell off a ‘horsey’.  I wanted to strangle someone – I know – ilogical.  I know – these things happen.  Still, I wanted to do so.  And then I go home wondering if I would have been told about this had I not walked in and seen it.  These are the kinds of scenarios that break my heart and have me wondering about her welfare.

It’s days like to today that I wish I could just turn my back on my job and stay home with my daughter so that a slip of paper or someone I hardly know will not have to tell me about her day.

I’m contracted to work for my job for 2 years…and it’s days like today that I hardly know how I will get through it.


About Jessica Emilia

Mother, wife, grief survivor, dancer, yogi, feminine, baker, cook, lover, fighter, perfectly imperfect, optimistic, pessimistic, reader, writer, funny, sarcastic, compassionate, emphatic, sympatheric, HR Pro, anxious, confident, supernatural, hocus-pocus, friend, daughter and momma again...

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