Overwhelmed! Overwhelmed!

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I can not emphasize enough what a hard time I am having.  I’m no longer an hourly employee and so am working well over 40 hours per week.  My commute is about an hour each way and I don’t know what free time is any more.  I’m constantly re-examing my previous schedule of 40 hours per week and can’t beleive how just losing an average of 90 minutes a day is really affecting my quality of life.

Worst of all is all the guilt I feel about not spending time with my baby.  She’ll be a year old in just weeks and I feel like I am losing precious time with her as a baby.  I don’t know whether I am exagerating or not, but I just feel awful about it.  I feel like I have NO quality time with her at all.

Awful, awful awful.

I’m also feeling really down about my looks.  I was discusing these feelings with a friend and she remembered on how high I was feeling after baby was born.  It made me laugh to remember that I had actualy told her “I don’t know why, but i’m feeling mighty conceated”.   I’ve just gained a lot of weight in the last several years, and my skin is blotchy from pregnancy and my hair is so dry.

My home is smaller than my former one…we have too much stuff everywhere, nothing is organized,  there is always laundry to be done and stuff to clean up.  I can’t find anything when I need it.  Ask anyone who knows me…I PRIDE myself on a clean and tidy home.  I just can’t keep up with it.  Somedays I just say screw it because I’d rather sleep than clean a stove.

I just feel like shit – unattractive, exhausted and overworked.

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About Jessica Emilia

Mother, wife, grief survivor, dancer, yogi, feminine, baker, cook, lover, fighter, perfectly imperfect, optimistic, pessimistic, reader, writer, funny, sarcastic, compassionate, emphatic, sympatheric, HR Pro, anxious, confident, supernatural, hocus-pocus, friend, daughter and momma again...

2 responses »

  1. Hang in there, with time, things will start to normalize, you’ll find your groove and everything will be ok!
    xxx

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