The last 4 weeks have been one of the most intense in my life…the stress of finding a home and moving, finding a pediatrician and a day care for Ziggy and of course starting my new job.  I’m glad we are far beyond this stage:

I’ve already conducted 2 mini presentations on unions, one orientation and assisted a supervisor with putting together a negative review.  I had a moment last week where I felt so overwhelmed at work.  The building director checked in that day with me (coincidentally) and I had a chat with my colleague whose in charge of training me.  We discussed a lot of realities and they are both on board with the fact that I was hired for my potential and my passion for human resources; and that they recognize there is a large learning curve and a lot for me to learn.  I can’t tell you how at ease I felt after those discussions.  My colleage kept assurinog me that I’m doing fine and to relax.  She stressed the importance of balance and to keep things in perspective.  I carry her words very much within mental reach.

My company is big on community outreach and so yesterday my husband and Ziggy joined 200 other employees and helped to build a farm.  It was hard work for sure, but something about being out on that grass, surrounded by dirt with the sun shining on your face gives perspective.  My body was tired, dirty and sweaty but my heart and mind were receptive to nature and the peaceful surroundings.

I haven’t written at all about it but my husband and I do have  some work to do on our relationship which needs heavy doses of TLC. We had an on again, off again relationship prior to getting married.  As soon as we get married, I come back pregnant from our honeymoon and we never caught a break since.  We lost Emi 5 months later, Daniella a year later and then there was just nothing but greif and heartache and then I lost my job and it soon became all about survival. 

And just like night and day Savannah arrives and my husband goes back to his former employer in a new position.  Several  months later I get this killer job offer and we’ moving…and now it’s a whole other kind of crazy we’re working with.

Could it be that this weekend was the first weekend in nearly 5 YEARS that we’re not putting out a fire?!

So there I am yesterday just thinking about the efforts that my husband is putting forth for our relationship.  The sun is shining on my face and for the first time in so long i’m truly relaxed and just accepting and absorbing this  FABULOUS new normal.

And today…today we participated in another event co-hosted by my job.  Although I was not expected to, I just had to.  It was a March of Dimes event.  Although my body was aching from all the farming we did yesterday I was content to take every step of that 3K walk.  Thinking of those 2 smiles I never got to see yet hoping that every step we took today will somehow spare some couple the agony we experienced and a little baby the struggle of being born too soon.

So here we are, and here is to us, to our precious girls and to finding and seeking balance.


About Jessica Emilia

Mother, wife, grief survivor, dancer, yogi, feminine, baker, cook, lover, fighter, perfectly imperfect, optimistic, pessimistic, reader, writer, funny, sarcastic, compassionate, emphatic, sympatheric, HR Pro, anxious, confident, supernatural, hocus-pocus, friend, daughter and momma again...

3 responses »

  1. So glad to see this update. Sweetie, life is a balancing act. Hell, mine still is at age 50, and I wouldn’t have it any other way! You get used to the ebb and flow, the up and down, the good and bad, the right and wrong, the sane and crazy. It’s ever changing and ever growing and just when you think it’s settled something will fly out of left field at you. But through it all, if you can find that “fabulous new normal”, it will anchor you through the changes that come. And right now, it seems you are doing exactly what you need to be doing, where you need to be doing it, how you need to be doing it, and most importantly with who! Keep up the good work. I am so proud of you. Love, J. (PS you know she’s waving at ME in that picture, right?)

  2. I’m so glad you’re settling in and adjusting to your “FABULOUS new normal” Amen, to that.

    Thank you for walking in the MOD. You guys look great doing it too.

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