Changed

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I really don’t know how to feel about what I’m going to write next, because it will show just how much i’ve chaned.  I was growing closely to this woman a while back before I lost my Emi. She was understanding and supportive…until she got pregnant. Then she became selfish and self-absorbed. When I lost Daniella she showed little to no compassion. When she finally had her daughter she forgot about me and the rest his history. A rift occurred and for well over a year we had no contact. I had Ziggy and now she is on her 7th miscarriage since her daughter’s safe arrival and she is having a very tough time pushing through it. She sent me an invite for Savannah for her daughter’s birthday party and I called to tell her we would be going. Of course she told me about everything that happened – every gory bloody detail. And all through it she kept saying that only I could understand and that I’ve been through hell and we can see eye to eye. I was sympathetic, but boy have I hardened myself. She told me she had attended one therapy session and I told her about the bereavement group I attended as a resource and we got off the phone.

 Well she called today – broken and asking if things would get better and I told her that over time it really would and that the bad moments will eventually be outweighed by the good. She said she was so sorry for having offended me and for not understanding when I needed her. I thanked her for that and told her it was big of her. I really appreciate everything she said to that effect. The thing is, I’ve got nothing more for her.

Call it selfishness or self preservation, but I’m not willing to get in the trenches with her. Hell no. This is my hard-earned blissful time. I’ve MORE than paid my dues. I’ve been to hell and back. I’ve watch my train derail and my world fall apart and I’ve had to piece it back together again. My sanity was tested, my life was risked, my marriage was strained…all to get to where I am today. If she had been any other way with me…if she had been a soul-sister you can bet your bottom dollar that I would be right there in the trenches with her holding her hand and wiping every bitter tear. I am just not willing to do it – not for her.

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About Jessica Emilia

Mother, wife, grief survivor, dancer, yogi, feminine, baker, cook, lover, fighter, perfectly imperfect, optimistic, pessimistic, reader, writer, funny, sarcastic, compassionate, emphatic, sympatheric, HR Pro, anxious, confident, supernatural, hocus-pocus, friend, daughter and momma again...

2 responses »

  1. I don’t blame you. I kind of feel that way now about friends going through marital problems. I spent 10 years in my own special hell with my ex, and now that I’m blissfully happy and have found *true* love, I don’t want to be depressed by everyone else’s problems. I know that sounds selfish, and I should say that most of the time I do listen and offer support, but I’d be lying if I said I don’t go out of my way to avoid talking to certain people sometimes. I know exactly how you feel about your friend, and I don’t blame you for wanting to stay on the periphery. You *have* paid your dues, and you have every right to enjoy the bliss you have in your life now. You can sympathize but you don’t have to wrap yourself up in it….

    On a brighter note, Happy Valentine’s Day! 🙂

  2. I don’t blame you either. I don’t think you owe it to her. Especially since she wasn’t there for you. Of course now that she’s experiencing her own hell she realizes that she let you down. That doesn’t change the fact that she selfishly dumped you when you needed her most. Don’t feel guilty about it. You’ve earned your joy.

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