We bought a new car this weekend with all the bells and whistles. I am so happy about it. We went to my company’s holiday sale, although there was nothing I needed. I bought new clothes and make-up. I dyed my hair a new and vibrant shade. We ordered in. We slept late. Ziggy met Santa, although she was sleeping by the time she made it into his arms. She was dressed like a candy cane…a red and white striped ‘onesie’ with a matching bib and hat. The bib read ‘Santa’s little helper’, although I told her that Santa would fire her for sleeping on the job. My husband is moving on to a new position at his old company. We’re excited about our future.

I had a brief moment while waiting to sign-my life away at the car dealership. Many people were coming over to comment on how cute Ziggy was. I looked at him and asked if he believed that this was our life. No, was his response. I thought of where I was 3 years ago. Emi, had passed away and I didn’t know how I would ever be happy again. I didn’t know how I would smile or hope again. I didn’t know how life could dare to go on without her. I knew logically that it somehow would, but I just couldn’t see it. Then I thought of the time after Daniella, 2 years ago.  I was done with life. I really wanted to just not be. Yet the universe knew that I had to continue living because this happy future awaited me.

I know that there are quite a few out there. I know that you can’t bring yourselves to comment but that you are reading. I understand so completely. There are many times that I look at Ziggy and I have to think of you and I have to think of your babies. I know I’m blessed. I promise you that I cherish her and love her. I promise you that I will raise her to the best of my ability to be someone of character, strength, courage and compassion. She will serve the world.

I love you all out there. Your day will come.


3 responses »

  1. This post brought tears to my eyes- it’s just lovely.

    I know you love her with all your heart. I’m so happy this is where you are in your life.

    Many blessings to you and your family this Christmas.


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