A Season?

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A friend and I had a huge fall out and we are not speaking to one another. I have very mixed feelings about the whole thing. On the one hand I am somewhat relieved and feel like I have taken a breath of fresh air. On the other I miss my friend. I know that the root cause of all this is a HUGE misunderstanding (as is often the case) but somethings were said that can not be unsaid. My girls were brought up and that is just a place that you should tread – and very lightly – around me. To bring up the girls and in the way they were brought up was a really cheap way of trying to hurt me. It failed too – because I am very secure about the decision I made before and after their deaths and my conscious is very clear. Things will never be the same. I’m surprisingly ok with where I am at. Not glad, but still doing just fine. Maybe because I am not surprised that we got here, just surprised at how… I have learned that when you get too close and you know too much that you are sometimes too close for comfort. I have learned that people ask but they are not prepared to hear. I have learned that you should let people do the hard work of figuring out their paths and find out their truths even if they are always coming to you. Just like with my mother and her home I am not fazed at the thought of letting this friendship go. I have let go before and I can let go again. Life goes on. Life is good. The light within radiates like a beacon in the night and I trust its truth – I am where I need to be right now. I am thankful for what was and honor what could have been. Our season as friends is likely over and hopefully our purpose in each other’s life fulfilled. Godspeed…

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About Jessica Emilia

Mother, wife, grief survivor, dancer, yogi, feminine, baker, cook, lover, fighter, perfectly imperfect, optimistic, pessimistic, reader, writer, funny, sarcastic, compassionate, emphatic, sympatheric, HR Pro, anxious, confident, supernatural, hocus-pocus, friend, daughter and momma again...

3 responses »

  1. Similar thing happened to me in the past few weeks. This person couldn’t figure out why I didn’t talk to her anymore. She said that I’m not the same person she knew. Um, no…I’m not. Then she brought up something about Lily. That’s when I knew I was done. I’m not sad. Like you, I’m not phased. I believe, even more-so now, that people come into your life for a reason, and when they leave sometimes it’s sad, but sometimes it’s to move onto something bigger and better. She told dh that she was waiting for me to call, that’s why she hasn’t called. I have no intentions of calling her, so I suggest she move on and quit waiting for the phone to ring. She doesn’t understand the catastrophic change that happened when my sons died, even though she was at their funerals. She doesn’t know what it’s like to be married and be a mother…and to bring Lily into it…nope. Sorry. I don’t need friends that bad.

    Anyway, to make a long story short…sorry it worked out that way for you too. You don’t need friends that badly either…so many people love you!

    • Becky. it’s nice to see you commenting. Thanks so much for sharing your story. It’s so true, you change so much when you lose a child. Something just turned off inside me when she brought up the girls. I’m not angry. I’m done. Again, thanks for sharing and really…i’ve got all i need in Ziggy.

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