Inserting foot in mouth…

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My mother may lose her house and when she told me I was a bit of an ass.  She has been struggling with bills for several years and I just told her that maybe it was for the best.  I spoke impulsively, really.  She hardly spoke to me for the next few days.  I finally asked her if she was upset with me and she told me that I hurt her and it’s like it did not matter to me.  

Losing the girls has really changed me.  I apologized and told her that I knew exactly what it felt like to hear the words maybe it’s for the best.  I realized then that I need to remember that not everyone that I encounter will have lost so much so soon, as I have.  It’s just so easy for me to let anything go after I lost my babies.

I remember watching a segment on a financial advice show where the host told someone that was on the verge of bankruptcy to just let the house that is weighing her down go and to rebuild.  I still remember the quiet look of relief on that woman’s face. It’s like someone told her it was ok to stop struggling…to stop the fight.  It seemed so freeing and  I just wanted that feeling for my mother.  My sentiment and wish for her were sincere and loving, my execution – hardly.  

Thankfully, we are speaking again and I am in her graces once more.

But I never thought I’d be the one putting my foot in my mouth when it came to sensitivity.

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About Jessica Emilia

Mother, wife, grief survivor, dancer, yogi, feminine, baker, cook, lover, fighter, perfectly imperfect, optimistic, pessimistic, reader, writer, funny, sarcastic, compassionate, emphatic, sympatheric, HR Pro, anxious, confident, supernatural, hocus-pocus, friend, daughter and momma again...

4 responses »

  1. Lots of people in the same boat these days Jaded and yes sometimes it is a relief to remove the millstone from around your neck! You just said what you thought but (speaking from experience) losing a home is a very painful thing. I am glad you and your Mom are speaking again.

  2. I know what you mean about sometimes rushing to release people from their pain. My losses are different than yours, but there are times when I read blogs where women and wringing themselves out over and over to try to get that one egg to meet sperm and make a baby, and I have to restrain myself from urging them, too quickly for their process, to move to donor eggs. I found such an incredible release in moving on from my own eggs, and when I see others struggling, I want to grab them and give them the same relief. But then I remember, when I was ready, I was ready, and I made it know, and I was supported.
    I’m glad you and your mom made peace.

  3. I’ve so been there. Considering how many insensitive comments I’ve heard, you’d think I’d be an expert at being sensitive. Nope. Not even close. It’s almost like the whole IF trip has rendered my “be nice!” button broken :/

    I’m still here, btw! I got your comment 🙂 I’ve been doing a lot of my school work on the husband’s laptop, which doesn’t have any of my usual links. And I blog so rarely anymore that I’m lucky to remember my password half the time. I so need to remedy that.

    I’m glad to hear things sounding so positive. It’d be nice to see some pictures, though *coughcough* hehehe

    Keep that pretty smile, stranger friend!

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