Currently I am experiencing a whole smorgasbord of emotions.

I am so thrilled with my little girl…she brings me so much joy. Each. Day.  Sometimes I feel like my heart could absolutely burst with love.


I worry about my grandmother who has been in and out of hospitals and doctor appointments with a heart valve issue.  I am not prepared to lose her or say good bye to her.  Yet, if her time on this earth is drawing to a close there is peace in my heart because God has allowed her to live to see her great-granddaughter and because she has lived a very full life.  I have to give thanks for those things.  


I was talking to my mother today about Ziggy.  I was telling her about her sweet smiles that light up a room.  She told me that she was meant to be.  She will never understand why Daniella wasn’t; but Ziggy was.  There has always been a sense of peace in my heart about Emi…I don’t know why.  But Daniella?  No…I wasn’t prepared to give her up.  I don’t know if there will ever be peace, but acceptance? Yes, and I am working on that. 


I miss my girls…Emi…Daniella….  God, I love them…  Will I forever wonder why and what if?


Work is going well…very well in fact.  My boss is suddenly my new BFF.  I just don’t get it, but I finally feel like I am part of something.  On that front, I have been getting a lot of calls about other opportunities…due diligence would be that I purse each and see, but I am so happy with the way things are going at work.


I have been working out and eating so much better.  I am still eating my weight in ice-cream each week.  (I just LOVE ice-cream).  Somehow the weight is coming off.  I am below my pre-pregnancy weight and really feeling beautiful and attractive.


My mother-in-law fell down the steps and broke her hip.  We have really been there for them and all the monkeys are appreciative of our efforts.  The mother-in-law and I have had some thinly veiled (and no-so thinly veiled) discussions on past hurt feelings and I feel like we are inching closer towards closure… (Perhaps because now she is the one in need???)


An assistant to Dr. Davis called me up recently to follow-up on my TAC surgery.  I told her that it all went very well and that I had actually sent a thank you to him. She said that she was certain it was somewhere in the stack (STACK!) of thank-yous he receives.  She said that he reads each one and then has them placed in the patients file.  I love that man.  LOVE HIM!!! I am a Cowb.oy’s fan for life, I hope they win the Supe.rbowl each year!


And finally…for the first time in eons I am looking forward to the holidays.  I just thought they were a good reason to drink…they now mean so much more to us. 


3 responses »

  1. It makes me so happy to read your blog. I am so very happy for all of your milestones.

    P.S. every time I hear the word “monkey” I think of your blog and nearly pee my pants giggling. You crack me the hell up!

  2. hi jaded. i’m thinking of you and your little girls this week as october 15 (pregnancy and baby loss awareness day) is coming up. i did a little project to honor lost babies, and i included emi and daniella. i’d love to pass the photo on to you. if you feel comfortable, drop me a line with your email address? xo

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