Currently I am experiencing a whole smorgasbord of emotions.
I am so thrilled with my little girl…she brings me so much joy. Each. Day. Sometimes I feel like my heart could absolutely burst with love.
I worry about my grandmother who has been in and out of hospitals and doctor appointments with a heart valve issue. I am not prepared to lose her or say good bye to her. Yet, if her time on this earth is drawing to a close there is peace in my heart because God has allowed her to live to see her great-granddaughter and because she has lived a very full life. I have to give thanks for those things.
I was talking to my mother today about Ziggy. I was telling her about her sweet smiles that light up a room. She told me that she was meant to be. She will never understand why Daniella wasn’t; but Ziggy was. There has always been a sense of peace in my heart about Emi…I don’t know why. But Daniella? No…I wasn’t prepared to give her up. I don’t know if there will ever be peace, but acceptance? Yes, and I am working on that.
I miss my girls…Emi…Daniella…. God, I love them… Will I forever wonder why and what if?
Work is going well…very well in fact. My boss is suddenly my new BFF. I just don’t get it, but I finally feel like I am part of something. On that front, I have been getting a lot of calls about other opportunities…due diligence would be that I purse each and see, but I am so happy with the way things are going at work.
I have been working out and eating so much better. I am still eating my weight in ice-cream each week. (I just LOVE ice-cream). Somehow the weight is coming off. I am below my pre-pregnancy weight and really feeling beautiful and attractive.
My mother-in-law fell down the steps and broke her hip. We have really been there for them and all the monkeys are appreciative of our efforts. The mother-in-law and I have had some thinly veiled (and no-so thinly veiled) discussions on past hurt feelings and I feel like we are inching closer towards closure… (Perhaps because now she is the one in need???)
An assistant to Dr. Davis called me up recently to follow-up on my TAC surgery. I told her that it all went very well and that I had actually sent a thank you to him. She said that she was certain it was somewhere in the stack (STACK!) of thank-yous he receives. She said that he reads each one and then has them placed in the patients file. I love that man. LOVE HIM!!! I am a Cowb.oy’s fan for life, I hope they win the Supe.rbowl each year!
And finally…for the first time in eons I am looking forward to the holidays. I just thought they were a good reason to drink…they now mean so much more to us.