The Tinted Lens of Grief


I really thought my in-laws were an insensitive bunch of spectacular monkeys.  I really did.  Yet today as our visit was winding down in their living room over coffee they started to chat and share stories about my nephews.  They talked and carried on and told us cute anecdotes, and I felt like I hardly knew these children.  Finally it hit me; I mean it really sunk in that they were just now sharing these stories because we have Ziggy.  Others too: friends, colleagues and even some family members are now sharing anecdotes about the little ones in their lives.  All this time they had all been holding their happiness in so as not to hurt us.  Grief really tints the lens you look at life through.  I really thought that a whole host of people were behaving like insensitive dipshits and I am only now realizing that many did curb their happiness for us.

I am not ready to excuse everyone and everything – because beleive you me my feelings were trampled a handful of times.  Yet I must admit the truth: I am seeing things a lot differently now.


About Jessica Emilia

Mother, wife, grief survivor, dancer, yogi, feminine, baker, cook, lover, fighter, perfectly imperfect, optimistic, pessimistic, reader, writer, funny, sarcastic, compassionate, emphatic, sympatheric, HR Pro, anxious, confident, supernatural, hocus-pocus, friend, daughter and momma again...

7 responses »

  1. Jaded! I so hear what you’re saying! Amazing things have happened in my life since Ava’s birth. I see things totally differently now and have also had to eat some humble pie and apologize to some people for behaving like a total BIATCH when all the while they were trying to protect me.
    Grief definitely does cloud our judgment!

  2. Oh honey. This brought tears to my eyes. Yes yes yes. This is exactly what was happening, and I’m so glad you can see it now.

    How’s our girl doing? 🙂

  3. Your updates are refreshing and exciting. I am so happy for all of you and all of the wonderful changes that have come your way. Congratulations on Ziggy’s everyday milestones, I know you are enjoying every moment. Thanks for the updates and I’m even thrilled to learn that the “spectacular band of monkeys” (as you so hilariously call them) aren’t as bad as we all thought. I continue to root for you and your family. Dr. Davis should be very proud of himself. No news from me yet to report, but I’m pretty sure you will be the first person I tell if/when I have success.


  4. I’m so glad you’re seeing this and that they’re not as awful as you once believed.

    I know my family and friends don’t share nearly as many stories about my young nieces and nephews as they could, especially the nephew born just days after our own EDD. Part of me feels badly that they don’t share their excitement with us, but I’m ultimately glad they don’t. Isnt’ that wretched?

    I’m truly super excited Ziggy has entered your lives and that you can finally share in their excitement and stories.

  5. Love the new blog theme!

    I’ve noticed that as my pregnancy as progressed, many people in my life are really letting loose with some wonderful energy. I know that they were definitely holding back, and I appreciated it, but it’s shocking to see how much our grief affected others.

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