I am on the very cusp of what will be nothing less than a life saving procedure for my baby tomorrow.  

Sometimes you just have to give in, even if that means giving in to fits of sadness and bitter tears.  I thought of my girls today, passionately, deeply and whole-heartedly.  I manged to choke out “I’m so sorry” several times through my tears and pain-filled breaths thinking of Emi and Daniella.  Thinking about how I was powerless to save them and could only watch as life slipped away from each.  As I take in the enormity of what tomorrow represents to this baby and to my painfully suspended hopes and dreams I look forward to the future.  I just wish I could have offered more to my daughters than pointless bargaining with a higher power and bitter tears. 

Forward and onward.  Blinders on.  I am so ready.


About Jessica Emilia

Mother, wife, grief survivor, dancer, yogi, feminine, baker, cook, lover, fighter, perfectly imperfect, optimistic, pessimistic, reader, writer, funny, sarcastic, compassionate, emphatic, sympatheric, HR Pro, anxious, confident, supernatural, hocus-pocus, friend, daughter and momma again...

7 responses »

  1. I am sending you much love and hugs today, and I am praying that all goes well.

    This. Is. It.

    I feel it in my soul. This one is going to be okay. I’m still calling him Julian. LOL

    Fingers crossed, praying like mad. Please update soon or drop me an email so I know you’re doing ok, ok?

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