The time draws near to find out the fate of my baby, my Zygote.  Next week skilled technicians will start to look and see if baby is ‘ok’.  I don’t know why but I beleive everything will be just fine.  Something in my gut (no pun intended) just leads me to beleive, but not quite trust my instinct.  I hope I’m not wrong – and not just for obvious reasons.  I’d like to beleive that the psy.chic streak that runs through my family also runs through me.  My grandmother already told me “you’ve got it”. 

Grandma is grumpy with her leg and therefore making me grumpy.  Beefcake and I try to be considerate and understanding of her frustration but it is taxing at times.  She is very needy and demanding and scared.  Spending the last few weeks with her makes me realize how unfair aging is.  She was once vital, independent and strong, and now all I see is this startling decline.  It makes me sad for her and it is depressing to know that I am headed that way.  I have no problem with aging when it comes to wrinkles…grays…etc.  I just don’t understand why someone has to go through such a decline and in some cases revert to being like a child only to die anyway…rant over.

I am 12 weeks today and showing.  Queasiness (a once constant companion), is subsiding, breasts are sore (Beefcake misses his toys), hip pain is settling in and hunger pangs are subsiding.  I’m having a lot of dreams where my child is a boy.  I think i’ve already had 3.  BigSexxxy has had a few dreams with me being very far along and telling her “i’m almost there”.  In one of the dreams she saw us preparing for my baby shower but she saw pink.  Hmmm…

Time will tell.

Universe, I want THIS baby.  Happy, healthy, strong, inteligent, beautiful and born SCREAMING!!!


About Jessica Emilia

Mother, wife, grief survivor, dancer, yogi, feminine, baker, cook, lover, fighter, perfectly imperfect, optimistic, pessimistic, reader, writer, funny, sarcastic, compassionate, emphatic, sympatheric, HR Pro, anxious, confident, supernatural, hocus-pocus, friend, daughter and momma again...

4 responses »

  1. You know I’ve been saying boy since the day you told me I was going to be an honorary aunt! 🙂 If it means anything, I’ve been accurate with these guts feelings through my last 8 friends pregnancies….

    I say a prayer for you and that boy (!!!!) every day, and I feel really good about this for you both.

    I’m sorry about your grandma, I know how hard watching that decline is. My mom is 85 and she has really failed this past year. It’s a tough one to watch.

    Please keep me posted on the testing….I have my pom poms all ready to shake for the celebration!!!! 🙂

  2. I’m so praying and hoping for this lil one and for you. You know I’ll be checking every hour I can next week.

    It is tough to watch the ones we love start to the downward turn that comes with aging. My parents are in their mid 60’s and it’s hard to realize that they can’t do a lot of what they use to. *hugs*

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