So it begins…


This is a time for muted hope.  I found out I was pregnant the night before last.  I went to my doctor yesterday for this pesky cold and I told her I tested positive for pregnancy at home.  She ran a test in the office and she confirmed that I was…and told me that I would have to fight this cold on my own because of the baby.  I can only take extra strength ty.lenol. 

I had a low-grade fever of 99 degrees, body aches, congestion, sneezing, itchy throat, cough, etc.  This is compounded by my pregnancy symptoms of ACHING breasts, occasional queasiness and fatigue.  Not that I am complaining.  My doctor excused me from work today and told me to come back on Monday if I still am not better.  I have strict orders to stay in bed, push fluids and vitamin C.  Lots of hot soup too.   Her orders sounded like a ticket to paradise for me, because I have been working the last 2 days feeling like a zombie.

There are too many emotions going on inside of me.   I just can’t settle on one.  This is not a time for celebration – the war has not been won.  This is a time of thanksgiving for the precious opportunity and soul I have been entrusted with.  This is a time for muted hope.

Here I am again.  I have only told a few – my husband, mother and Big Sexy.   Everyone is hopeful, even I am.  I don’t understand how despite everything that happened we all feel hopeful.  I hope we are not let down.

This is a time for muted hope.


About Jessica Emilia

Mother, wife, grief survivor, dancer, yogi, feminine, baker, cook, lover, fighter, perfectly imperfect, optimistic, pessimistic, reader, writer, funny, sarcastic, compassionate, emphatic, sympatheric, HR Pro, anxious, confident, supernatural, hocus-pocus, friend, daughter and momma again...

11 responses »

  1. I’m happy to quietly carry some of the burden of hope while resisting the urge to cheer from the nearest hill top.

    but I hope the big grin I’m wearing is ok.

  2. J, I sit here with tears in my eyes. I feel like you just told me I’m gonna be a grandma. 🙂

    I’m so happy for you…and I understand your caution and muted hope. I know it will be 9 months of holding our collective breath.

    Can I tell you that everything in my soul is screaming “BOY” at me right now? Just FYI….I have about a 95% accuracy rate on those feelings.

    Take care of yourself and that nasty cold. Definitely get lots and lots of rest and sleep, that’s the best thing you can do for your body to allow it to fight off this bug.

  3. I am so hopeful for you and have every finger and toe crossed! Please, please be kind to yourself and get better soon!

    Jen in MD

    P.S. Congratulations!

  4. Julie is so cute…

    This may not be a time of celebration just yet because the future is still unknown. But my dear I am jumping up and down inside for you.

    I hope for you and this baby.

    As for the congestion. I use a Neti Pot to help clear my sinuses. It looks like a little tea pot- some are ceramic and some are plastic. But you fill them with warm water and a saline powder and you let it flow through one nostril. As you tilt your head over the sink the saline comes out the other nostril. It’s a little weird at first but IT WORKS! It clears out all kinds of stuff. I’ve been sick this week with a head cold and this $15 contraption has been a life saver. I’ve actually been able to sleep and breathe out of my nose. You can get them at Walgreens.

  5. Thanks for your recent comment on my blog (about making choices). I really appreciate your perspective! I haven’t yet read through much of your blog but I read the posts on your precious daughters and this one. I imagine you are going through a roller coaster of emotions right now. I’ll be thinking of you and I’m wishing you the very best.

  6. oh my goodness, i am so very happy to read this news. I will carry hope in my heart for you – every day – wishing on stars, blowing dandelions, throwing salt over my shoulder, fingers and toes crossed crossed crossed. i so want this for you. take good care of yourself and feel better soon!

  7. Oh this is soooo exciting! I will hold you in my heart that all will be well. I understand the “muted hope” but you know you’ve gotta have hope, right? You deserve to enjoy this. Despite fear and sadness and aching grief, you need to enjoy this. And when it’s too hard to have hope, you just let me know and I will hope for you. Much love from NC….

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