I mentioned in a recent post that I was considering going to a therapist of some sort to help me out with all my emotions. I have been having what I think are anxiety attacks and headaches that are very painful. If I get two headaches in a year it’s way too much, so having them almost daily worries me. Yesterday during a routine physical I mentioned to the doctor that I was experiencing a sudden onset of headaches; that, coupled with an elevated blood pressure at 140/90 concerned her. “Have you been experiencing stress?” she innocently asked. I told her what happened over the last two years and she was very sympathetic (and hopeful I might add).
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my headaches and blood pressure have spiked over the holidays. It was hard to get through this year. Before leaving, she checked again and my blood pressure dropped to a healthier 128/80. Ever since Emi’s birth, I can’t go into a doctor’s office without getting anxious. When I was giving birth to her the bright overhead lights and the cold sterile room got into my bones something awful; and it doesn’t let go. This might explain my blood pressure going berserk and an elevated pulse with the doctor yesterday. Is this a panic attack? Is this post traumatic stress disorder?
So I don’t know what to do? Do I see a psychologist or a psychiatrist; I only understand a fundamental difference in that one can give you medication and the other can’t. I am not against taking medication, if I have to. Right now I feel pretty ok, but there are times where it just hurts so bad to be me. And I think I owe it to myself to see someone to help me determine where I am in this process of grief; of coming to terms.
So tomorrow, I have an appointment all set up with a psychologist. I have never been to one before. I am nervous about tomorrow…I think I am afraid of reliving everything…
So here is what I am asking: I know that some of you out there have been to a therapist or have taken medication in order to cope. I was hoping you might give me your experiences…you don’t have to comment here if you don’t wish to…you can email me here: jaded_me0223atyahoodotcom.
I know that this is a very private matter, but my God would I ever appreciate your personal anecdotes or advice.