Two interviews down…


…possibly one to go.  I had my second interview yesterday and met with my potential new boss.  I just loved her.  I think we really hit it off.  She mentioned two times during the course of the interview that we must have been separated at birth.  I think that makes for a good impression, wouldn’t you say?  At one point she was trying to get across the importance of gaining employee trust and how at a company bbq an employee had her hold his 2 week old daughter…and how cute she was…and  yadda, yadda, yadda.  It was tough, but I stayed strong and was able to change the subject.  We lasted an hour and a half.  Without asking she offered the next steps…she would relay her thoughts on me to her boss in Chicago, and then he would either fly in to meet with me (geez, is the position that critical?), arrange a video conference (far more likely) or a telephone interview.

So Beefcake and I have been talking and have come to decision…we are going to put baby-making on hold.  Yes, I was thinking about this whole mess…thinking about how I lost my job and my baby and how demoralizing an experience it has been.  I derive a lot of my dignity from my work.  We all have different barometers for our identity, and mine happens to be working and i’ll be DAMNED if I am caught in the same situation twice if I can help it.  So if I get this job – and it is a GREAT job, with a strong company and many, many benefits – i’m going to wait.  Wait long enough so that when I get pregnant again and need the TAC surgery I will already be covered by the Famil.y Leave A.ct (FM.LA).   (FM.LA is a fe.deral law that guarantees your position and pay for 12 weeks, but you must have worked one full year at full time status, there is a whole lot more to it, but that’s the simplified version).   When I lost Daniella, I had only been with my last employer for about 8 months…and FM.LA did not apply.  So there you go, that’s our current thought process.  I have to admit, the thought of not trying for a while is slowly becoming more and more attractive.  By doing this, l will quite possibly have garnered more control of my reproductive life than I have in the last two years.   For a time there will be no more sex on demand, no more desparation at the site of another period, no more squeezing my boobs to see if they hurt or checking my cervical mucus and stretching it between my fingers.  I can finally use all those cool ‘massage oils’ that kill sperm again.  Woohoo!, talk about good times. By the way ladies, I totally recommend tingling (OMG!) and warming is a very close second or just go nuts.  LOL.

I want a child more than anything, and it feel surreal to even contemplate putting this dream on hold, but I think it makes sense given the situation and the current state of the economy to secure a job first.  And who knows, I may reconnect with old friends too. 

What do you think?  I would really like to know what you would do???….


About Jessica Emilia

Mother, wife, grief survivor, dancer, yogi, feminine, baker, cook, lover, fighter, perfectly imperfect, optimistic, pessimistic, reader, writer, funny, sarcastic, compassionate, emphatic, sympatheric, HR Pro, anxious, confident, supernatural, hocus-pocus, friend, daughter and momma again...

12 responses »

  1. I think it sounds fantastic. I think a new job, and a break from babymaking stress, will help bring back YOU….renew your sparkle, you know?

    From your last post, it sounds as though you need to rediscover yourself, the new you. Yes, you are in grief, and that has forever changed you…but, perhaps you will find you like bits of the new you too? You have more layers, all beautiful. Time to meet some new people, get back out into life. You will never forget but you can be happy again. And, its just postponing motherhood to strengthen yourself. A new job is just the ticket! All the best!

  2. I think this is a swell plan, but mostly because you believe in it. That’s the most you could ask for.

    I think you need to find you again. You need to be happy with yourself…I look forward to reading your journey. I hope you get the job- sounds promising 🙂

  3. I’d give myself a year. I don’t know your specific situation (fertility wise), but maybe you can not try, but just let nature take it’s course. If it happens- it happens kind of thing. But, there is no harm in taking a year to yourself. I think it’s a wise decision.

  4. It sounds like you are making the best decision for you. You sound happy about this. I know putting off trying for a baby will be difficult, but you are actually doing it for your future child.

  5. I always approached breaks with slight panic. What would I do with myself if I wasn’t stressing shots and ultrasounds and bloodwork?!? Not to mention how odd it would be to not spend every waking moment thinking of our next step to parenthood.

    But every break was a relief. And every break brought me back to the treatments refreshed and with a new attitude.

    I learned that you have to concentrate on YOU sometimes. And that’s ok.

    So I say yeah … take the break. Learn to enjoy your life and yourself and your husband again (because we all know all that shit falls to the side). And when you’re ready to jump back into the frenzy, you’ll be in a much better place for it.

  6. Katiepie35 – i like the idea of renewing my sparkle.

    Monica – and i look forward to following your journey.

    Holli – i thought of taking the ‘whatever happens’ approach this time, but that’s how I got pregnant with Emi. So in my case it has to be a decisive yes or no.

    Missy – yes that’s the way i am trying to view it, as an investment for my future baby; i like that view.

    Angela – you got it girl. i AM freaking out at the thought of not ttc, but you know something inside me is telling me this is the way to go if i land this job, and i’m going to trust it!

  7. I think it’s a really positive step. I think it will also be healing for you, which will prepare you better for when you are ready TTC. I hope you get it. I like the tone in your post!

  8. You’ve had a crap-ass year and I think a little break is just what you need. I think making this time all about you and your career and your husband and your marriage is a great way to sort of be “reborn.” Does that make sense? I think people like us get a little lost with respect to who we think we are now after this loss. I think I get a little angry that I have let this grief and anger define me and prehaps you feel the same way a bit? Congrats on the second interview, I know this will work out for you! Can’t wait to hear what happens!

  9. you know only you and your hub can decide what’s best for you. and any decision you make will be the right one.

    a break can be really good for many reasons, reclaiming your life, rekindling your relationship, rebuilding your career, rejuvenate yourself. I think its best to be in a good place when you start trying again.

    that said, once you start thinking about other factors like work and money, there may never be a “good” time, so just be honest and clear about what you want as you go…

  10. I think that’s a great decision. You’re still very young, and I hate to sound crass and say “You’ve got time”…but I think a little break in the action to allow yourselves to fully grieve your losses is a wonderful idea. You’ve been kind of faltering around, not really sure of who you are anymore…now is a great time to take a break from the stress of baby making, and just enjoy some quality time with hubby. Figure out who the “new you” is. And learn to love her as much as we do! 🙂

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