I feel so ‘blah’.
Today is my husband’s last day at work for the next two weeks while he’s on vacation. He has been working an average of 10 hour days and quite often 14 hours or more. He worked 12 years as an architectural consultant at a firm where he rose the ranks to become vp. I guess he choose to leave at the top, because he then moved on to the company where he works now as a project architect. The work is very demanding and challenging. This is the first time he has ever been truly exposed to the whole gamut of the architectural process from bidding on projects to final completion. I am so proud of him. He is in the retail side of architecture; it’s very high strung work and the clients can be real assholes sometimes, but he is learning so much and is on a constant high. Just yesterday he attended a dinner hosted by one of his clients – V.ictoria’s Se.crets. Of all his clients, he says they are the best. Too bad that I can only buy their perfumes and make-up (their make-up is the best!) because their bras are too small for me and i think their largest size – an XL may cut my circulation at the waist. I’m a solid 2X girl here. But anyway….
When we get back from vacation he is due for a review, and he is counting on hoping for a raise and a bonus. Due to my being out of work and my future high-risk pregnancy status this hoped for raise and bonus takes on a very needed urgency. It means he can truly ‘hold it down’ as he has said. It means that if I do get a job and have to lose it again because of a high-risk pregnancy that we will be ok. I hate that he has to have this added pressure on him, but it is the reality of our situation.
There is so much uncertainty in our future and this will help us considerably.
It’s difficult to see him climb the ladder, because as happy as I am to hear about the newest thing he learned, it’s a stark reminder of the deafning pause my career is currently in. Every day out of work makes me increasingly NOT marketable. Sometimes it’s hard to beleive that I went to a private college on the upper east side of nyc on a full scholarship. My classmates were being picked up and dropped off in limos. (I was taking the train, lol). They discussed weekends in the H.amptons and ski vacations and blah, blah, blah. Yeah that exclusive. Hillary Cli.nt.on was our guest lecturer. I was the first college graduate in my family and my prospects were very high. My mother and grandmother beamed as I walked accross the stage to collect my diploma. I had so much promise and fundamentally I know I still do. But with so much time at home to think about why I am home, it’s sometimes tough to keep my head up.
I just need a break. I need someone to hire me! GRRRRRR! I miss working. I love to cook,(i’m not a b.b.w. in vain!) but Friday’s were always take-out nights for us. I would grab take out and a bottle of wine after work and we would rent a movie and stay in. At some point in the movie one of us would pause the movie and the other knew what that meant. We would exchange a conspiring glance and smile and it was off to our bedroom. It was a release (AHEM) from the work week among other things. It was a high we would look forward to toward the end of the week. It’s not the same now. I would look forward to getting home at the end of the day and the end of the work week. I even miss commuting. Holy hell.