“Monkey Business”


Friday: Stayed in with Beefcake watching movies and drinking homemade cocktails.

Saturday: Went out with BigSexy for lunch and shopping.  I had a wonderful time.  I treated myself to a few things, including this gorgeous black and white polk-a-dot jacket.  While having lunch she asked me about our babymaking plans.  I told her that Beefcake and I had decided to go for bust trying for a baby until I hit 30.   She is so supportive, she was so enthused for us.  I love this woman; every deadbabymomma should be so lucky to count someone like her as a friend.  Someone that intuitively knows that holidays are tough,  that driving by a baby store or seeing a Pam.pers commercial is tough.  She’s ok with me when one day I am fine and the next I can’t stand my own exixtense.  She encourages dialogue about my babies, she asks questions because she gives a damn,  when I cry she cries with me.  I am tearing up right now just writing about her.  She gets it, she knows these things.  I will be putting a post about her together very soon.

Later that night Beefcake and I headed to Prin.ceton for ice cream (forget about the university, Prince.ton is famous for it’s ice cream).  I had coffee chip and hubby had a chocolate and brownie concoction, the weather was wondeful so we just walked around slowly and sat by this water fountain.  We could hear the music (violin solo maybe?) from inside the restaurant in front of us.  We kissed and held hands while sampling one another’s ice cream.  I know revolting, right? LOL.  Then we had some good old bar food at a local bar.  We had such fun.

Sunday: Hubby and I took Peaches for a walk at the local park.  Later that day we headed down to Atlant.ic Ci.ty.  I got *lit* drinking 3 martinis followed by the free drinks we get at the tables.  He played craps for about an hour and a half and then I won back nearly all the money he lost with my first stab at blackjack.  While playing the guy next to me kept shouting “Monkey Business”, it was hysterical.  Most of us at the table really did not know what we were doing; but we all had good chemistry and the table was hot.  The most hubby and I set aside for gambling is $140; that’s our cutoff.  Not quite high rollers, but we last all night.

And today…well I’m going to keep looking for jobs online and i’m sort of laying low and chilling out.  Daniella’s due date is this Saturday and I don’t quite know how I feel about that.  If all would have gone as planned (ha!), I would have had my cerclage removed in mid August.  So she most likely would have been born in August and been here today.  So rather than have my pain centered on one day-September 6th, 2008-it’s centered on a three week span.  It takes too much to be sad and devastated for three whole weeks.  It’s a somber ache in my heart instead. I miss you baby girl, painful kicks to the cervix and all.


About Jessica Emilia

Mother, wife, grief survivor, dancer, yogi, feminine, baker, cook, lover, fighter, perfectly imperfect, optimistic, pessimistic, reader, writer, funny, sarcastic, compassionate, emphatic, sympatheric, HR Pro, anxious, confident, supernatural, hocus-pocus, friend, daughter and momma again...

2 responses »

  1. Thinking of you….by the way your new header is gorgeous.

    And thanks for the comment on my blog about the email I got. Can you imagine a stranger telling you what you can and can’t write on your own damn blog??????? I wish I had just responded “Dear Reader. Fuck you. Love, Julie”.


  2. New to your blog. I’m so very sorry for your losses. I can’t begin to imagine how hard coping has been for you. Wishing you a ton of strength and support this week.

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