Daniella’s due date is upon me and it’s all I can bear. Last night I took a walk with Peaches to clear my head. For a moment I felt excited to live my life again, excited for a future with a child and a career. This week we officially started ttc again. And if it fails this month I won’t be as gracious as I was last month because I was technically not trying then.
I may not have mentioned that when I was attending my support group (religiously) I met a couple – Karen and Neal. They have a 3 year old son, and had since suffered two miscarraiges at 8 weeks each. Slowly a genuine friendship developed and Karen and I found ourselves pregnant with her about 6 weeks ahead of me. I can’t tell you how happy we were – all of us. We’d get together at our respective homes for football games or bbq’s. They would give us tips and Karen and I would compare notes. Well thankfully she did not lose her child; she gave birth to a healthy son this past July. I am yet to congratulate them.
We had more than pregnancies in common, as Neal absolutely hated his job too. He called the other night to tell us that he offered his employer the opportunity to let him resign in exchange for a settlement including his salariy be paid through the end of the year. His employer accepted. He is now free to pursue his dream, which is wedding photograpy; he used to work in IT.
I had a fit. I locked myself up in my bedroom and just cried and listened to music while looking at Daniella’s photos. Just 4 months ago we were just like Neal and Karen. Reeling from loss, pregnant with hope, hating our jobs. And suddenly they have it all and I have…well…I won’t say nothing (I have Beefcake), but I no longer have a job or a baby. How did this happen? I still can’t beleive this is my life. It is so sad.
I thought I’d post a picture of our Peaches and a hookah pipe that my husband purchased last week along with some peach flavored tobacco. We’ve been having a lot of fun using it, all I need is the magic lamp with a genie included (and the 3 wishes) and it’s alll good.