exchange of words


visiting the in-laws:

father-in-law: have you sent out thank you notes for those that attended the funeral (Daniella’s)?

me: no. (annoyed. this is NOT the first time he asked this)

FIL: why?

me: it going to cause me a lot of pain to write them, and for what? no one talks about her anyway.

FIL: it’s the proper thing to do. 

hmph! this comes from the man who would not shut up about my fat ass for years, yet he knows what’s proper….


paying for my deep conditioning last week at the hair salon:

salon owner: so did you have the baby?

me: um, no, she did not make it. (damn do I look 9 months+ pregnant?)

salon owner: i understand, i lost 11.  (you read right – eleven) i had 5 losses in the first trimester and gave up, especially after everyone around me insisted on my moving on – my doctor, friends, family.  just days before my first appointment with an adoption agency i found myself pregnant.  eventually i went full term and had my daughter.  i had to endure another 6 losses before keeping my second daughter.  i’ve been pregnant 13 times in total.  be strong….did you have to give birth?

me: yes.  they were both too big for any other option…may i ask…what happened?

salon owner:  sure…my egss were (and I quote) shit. i had to just keep trying until it worked.  it wreaked havoc on me.  you have to be strong.  what happend to you?

me: it turned out I had a weak cervix.  in my next pregnancy i will have to have a surgery done to reinforce my cervix.

salon owner:  well you do that, whatever you have to! if you decide to continue on this tough path, don’t let anyone deter you like they tried with me, but above all you have stay determined to be strong.  i wanted everyone one of my babies and it was difficult to lose each one.


my phone rings the other day…

me: hello

caller: yes this is ms. w from the eeo.c.  we received your filing.  are you seeking information or looking to file a complaint?

me: looking to file a complaint, especially because i was fired after the filing.

ms. w: in addition to a pregnancy discrimination filing, do you wish to file a retaliation complaint against your former employer?

me: yes. (trying to hold in my glee)

ms. w: you can expect documents in the mail within a few days.  you will need to sign them, have them notarized and supply any other supporting evidence…


so that’s what’s been going on. by the way dh was wrong, I got my period.  it’s cycle day 7.


About Jessica Emilia

Mother, wife, grief survivor, dancer, yogi, feminine, baker, cook, lover, fighter, perfectly imperfect, optimistic, pessimistic, reader, writer, funny, sarcastic, compassionate, emphatic, sympatheric, HR Pro, anxious, confident, supernatural, hocus-pocus, friend, daughter and momma again...

10 responses »

  1. I would not write thank you notes for people attending a funeral. They should not need that in order to support you and your husband. I wrote thank you notes for food and donations in Hannah’s name but I eventually stopped. How do you thank someone for acknowledging your children who are no longer here?

    Glad to hear the forms are on their way. Hang in there.

  2. I don’t think you need to write thank you notes either. I have never heard of writing thank you notes for a funeral. That’s just ridiculous. I’m sorry you have to deal with someone continuing to push that on you when it should be obvious that doing so only adds to your pain.

  3. I wrote thank you notes (I think) just to thank those who attended. Nobody asked me to. Nobody expected me to. I did it because I wanted to say thank you for your support. *IF* you ever decide to, it will be because you feel the desire to, not because your FIL thinks it’s proper. I am proud of you for going to see your in-laws though. I know it was tough. I haven’t spoken to or seen mine in over 2 months and we usually speak daily. Sad 😦

    11 losses! Everyone has their breaking point, I guess. But I’m quite sure my number will be MUCH lower than that.

    Yay for the complaint papers- don’t hold back.

    Are you ever going to blog about your weekend away with a fellow IC mommy? Inquiring minds want to know 🙂 BTW, I emailed you a couple weeks ago- don’t know if you ever got it.

  4. I had a feeling you’d have a retaliation claim too.

    don’t listen to your FIL. people don’t expect that when I child dies. and if they do, they shouldn’t.

  5. Yeah hate to break it to stuffy old FIL but no one writes thank you notes for a funeral. That’s like saying that someone did you a favour by coming to the funeral which they did not. No one needs to be thanked for grieving. It isn’t something we do to please another person. I have never once heard of or received a thank you note for a funeral so tell him to shove it.

  6. Screw your FIL!! My mother hounded me for ages about me writing thank you notes after my son’s funeral, and it pissed me off no end. I ended up writing notes to the people who were my parents friends, who I knew would tell my mother, and i didn’t write any others. (And my friends told me I could NOT write thank you’s to them, no matter what my mother said.)

    I wish I’d never written any…it was about ME, not them…

  7. Your father in law is an ass. The salon owner (althought started off on the wrong foot) sounds like she’s learned wisdom over the years and YOU GO on the complaint with the EEOC!

  8. I kind of want to write a note to people. I may do so. But not because it’s “proper” or any other such bullshit. Screw that. No one excepts a thank you note for attending a funeral.

    Interesting woman. It’s strange the things I’ve come across when I mention my loss. The things that come out, the stories.

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