The Bubble Burst


Last night we recieved her secu.rity card.  Fuckers.  This would be wonderful had she lived.  But we all know how that worked out.  The pain it caused…well let’s just say it took the cake.  It’s right up there with the pain I felt when we received the autopsy results for Emi.  You know there are others who have to wait weeks or months to get the damn card, having to fight for it and make repeated calls becuase the s.ocia.l secu.rity administr.ation is always fucking up.

Oh no not I. Fuckers.

God which way is out?  I may not have lived a lifetime, but the pain you’ve allowed can surely suffice for a lifetime.  I hate this.  I hate my life.


About Jessica Emilia

Mother, wife, grief survivor, dancer, yogi, feminine, baker, cook, lover, fighter, perfectly imperfect, optimistic, pessimistic, reader, writer, funny, sarcastic, compassionate, emphatic, sympatheric, HR Pro, anxious, confident, supernatural, hocus-pocus, friend, daughter and momma again...

12 responses »

  1. Just after we got home after Zak died I got a new medicare card with his name on it. i wasnt upset but more worried i was going to have to give it back once they found out he wasnt alive. When I went to medicare i asked the lady if i could keep it. Now its in his memory box.
    I know its a shock to get something like this but remember its one more thing you have that has her name on it.

    Huge hugs

  2. Fuckers is right. I’m sorry. I don’t know what to tell you. I hope that the pain eases for you in time, although I know that seems like a cliche.

  3. I know how hard it hurts to see that card. It truly sucks…and some days it can burst your bubble. There are odd things – like social security cards, hospital bills, formula shipments, baby magazines – that can make it “real” again. These are like opening the wound again. I’m sorry that you are going through this. Honestly, it unbelievable s*cks!

  4. I am so sorry. I wish the daily reminders of our losses would go away. They just tear at out hearts and prolong the grieving process.

    I wish there was an easy way out, but unfortunately there’s not. Sending ((hugs)) your way and hoping you feel them


  5. Awful. It took me three months, a notary, phone calls, letters, and more to get my live daughters birth certificate corrected (of three errors, none of them logical or typos), and yet my dead daughter’s showed up in weeks — but sadly after her death certificate. The wheels of bureaucracy, they grind on. I hate them too.

  6. I just read through your entire blog and I have tro say that I absolutley love your frequent use of the word “FUCKER”!

    Thanks for adding me to your blogroll. I’ve just added you to mine (if that’s okay?)

    Take care, monica

  7. Haha! I love the word ‘fucker’ it is so hardcore. 😉
    Being an called an ‘idoit’ or an ‘as’ is ok, but a ‘fucker’? ouch!

  8. I can’t believe that they sent that out. I’m so angry. FUCKERS indeed. I agree it’s a good word BTW.
    Just after J died I would spend so much time thinking about how many years I had left to live with all this. The enormity of that was too much and still is sometimes.

  9. I am so sorry. There are no words to make this better. I hate the bubble, being in the bubble sucks then being forced out is even worse.

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