20 wks…and Counting


I can’t stop crying, I miss Emi so much. I should have known it would be this way – she was the first thought I had this morning. I dreamt last night that Tadpole was with us and I was busy changing her diaper and dressing her. What a sweet dream. Now, I am busy reading other loss blogs and all I do is cry and cry.

I just hope terribly that this baby makes it, but I can’t help thinking about Emi.

I am 20 wks and I lost Emi at 22. Halfway point. They say that once you pass the date of your prior loss you do achieve some level of peace.

I don’t beleive it though.

Right now, I am looking forward to my husband getting home. We have a bbq at K&N’s home. We met at the pregnancy loss support group months ago. She is currently pregnant and somewhere in her 6th month I beleive.

Should be fun. I love bbq’s. I’ll likely scare them as I eat them out of house and home.


About Jessica Emilia

Mother, wife, grief survivor, dancer, yogi, feminine, baker, cook, lover, fighter, perfectly imperfect, optimistic, pessimistic, reader, writer, funny, sarcastic, compassionate, emphatic, sympatheric, HR Pro, anxious, confident, supernatural, hocus-pocus, friend, daughter and momma again...

3 responses »

  1. God I know just how your feeling. We should be enjoying all of this now, not worrying about what ‘might go wrong’. I really dont think once you get to the date of your loss you will feel a bit more calm. The problem with reading blogs is I think you will just worry about the dates that everyone else had something go wrong.Have a nice time at the BBQ.Hugsxxx

  2. I’m so sorry that this weekend was so difficult. I can’t imagine how you’ve managed to hold it together for 20 weeks even. I say that from the perspective of someone who really wants to be where you are right now though and fearful I’ll just never get there.Anyway. Hope you are feeling better today, that is as better as one can feel in this situation. Thinking of you.

  3. Hang in there. It must be tough I can’t imagine all the feelings this must be dragging up for you right now. I’m not sure about feeling calm ever in a pregnancy but I do hope you feel better after Emi’s date. For today maybe just think today I am pregnant still and today is a good day. Someone wrote that on a blog ages ago and it’s stuck with me. Who knows what tomorrow will bring, none of us do, but today everything is good. Hugs x x x

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