Sadness in February

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February 6th has come and gone. I beleive that was the date I received the bad news that we had a ‘high risk’ of having a child with a neural tube defect. That was the second worst day of my life, that day officially became my point of no return, my ‘9/11’…etc, etc. After that date the news just kept getting worst. It went from high risk to a 1 in 14 chance, to a sonogram that revealed severe anomalies in addition to a neural tube defect. We found out that her kidneys had large cysts and were not functioning properly. She had extememely low levels of amniotic fluid. She would die. Not compatible with life…

Suddenly we heard talk of abortion and talk of termination. We were in a whirlwind. Then we heard her heart was failing. Then she came and it was silence. February 23, what a bitter day in my life. I bought some flowers for Emi to mark this month. I miss you baby girl. No matter what your my girl.

February sucks.

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About Jessica Emilia

Mother, wife, grief survivor, dancer, yogi, feminine, baker, cook, lover, fighter, perfectly imperfect, optimistic, pessimistic, reader, writer, funny, sarcastic, compassionate, emphatic, sympatheric, HR Pro, anxious, confident, supernatural, hocus-pocus, friend, daughter and momma again...

One response »

  1. February happens to be the month that most people find infinitely depressing. I am so sorry that you have even more reason to think so.

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