I have a lot of my mind as usual. I just had my review, and it’s official, this job really does suck and I work for the mickey-mouse company as hubby calls it. Tomorrow I am supposed to sign some stupid agreement (which does not even stipulate what i’m signing, ie: am I agreeing to something?). They want to extend my probation period by 2 months and I am already looking for work elsewhere.
Anyway. I met with 2 geneticists, bless their hearts – especially the first one – they were so sensitive. We had the chance to ask all the questions we could ever ask. And, unfortunately, it seems the diagnosis of MG is for real. There are no certainties, but they feel that my little E had the 3 classic findings. This is no surprise. Just another confirmation that life is really not fair, and as I begin to go into the dark hole of feeling sorry for myself, I have to remember a few things.
1. I still have a uterus – I did not lose it during the birth.
2. I can still have babies. I am not sterile
3. All pregnancies have risks. How about all those that have unexplained recurrent loss, could that not be something genetic?
4. If I keep trying, it can happen. 1 in 4, is better than no chance.
But that truth is I am still scared. Losing one baby is one to many. I will love all my babies including E, whether living or not.
Also, I still hate his parents. I am absolutely furious at them. I am trying to get over things done and said, but it is difficulte. E deserved those morons there, and that moment will never come back to be corrected. It makes me so sad. But, I have promised myself that I will never take that much crap FROM ANYONE again. If this happens again, things will be different, my mom will be there, and I won’t need them.
Speaking of babies….we have had all the baby-making sex we could possible muster. Hubby as been absolutely amazing. Please God let me be pregnant, let my baby be safe and make it.
Please.Please.Please. I just opened up a bill from the loss of just over $2,000. It’s a blow to me, I can’t even say it hurts. Emotional hurt is such a common occurence lately, that I’m virtually used to it. Not immune, but certainly used it it. I will have to battle out the bill tomorrow, figure out why, and if necessary work on paying it off. Maybe through hubby’s bonus. I don’t know.
Praying for pregnancy here.