Breakdowns & Meltdowns


I am having just too many of them. I just looked through this blog and realized that although I have not had this blog for long, most of my entries are on breakdowns. Not just sadness, but bonified meltdowns. These feelings are so unfair to myself and hubby whom has to bear the brunt of them.

I need peace and hope to prevail in my heart so desperately. I just can’t cry, rant and hate any more. I can’t survive on this anger. Neither can my marriage. Poor hubby must be walking on egg shells around me. What kind of a marriage is that?

I guess I really do need counseling or a get-a-way to my mothers like hubby suggested. My God, I need something.

PG and DS are on their way. They are going to pick me up for ice cream. Hubby is camping with his parents. Poor thing. He is really trying, while I am falling apart.

Changing careers, medical insurance, and the back and forth between all the medical specialists I have to deal with; along with E’s passing, are certainly going to be the death of us.
All this stress is killing me slowly (as opposed to softly). I feel so worn down and beaten. My spirit is bruised and all hope seems to have died off – why am I such a pessimist?

Which leads me to this poetry I found on another poor thing’s blog:

I am hurt, but I am not slain;
I’ll lay me down and bleed a while,
And then 1’ll rise and fight again.

-Story of my life for sure.


About Jessica Emilia

Mother, wife, grief survivor, dancer, yogi, feminine, baker, cook, lover, fighter, perfectly imperfect, optimistic, pessimistic, reader, writer, funny, sarcastic, compassionate, emphatic, sympatheric, HR Pro, anxious, confident, supernatural, hocus-pocus, friend, daughter and momma again...

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